What is your opinion on mothers who stay home to mothers who work outside the home?

My husband and I are considering having a baby. He is the "breadwinner" in the trades and I am a lowly paid teacher with her masters. I am conflicted on whether or not to be a FT mommy, work PT, or work FT. Teaching is usually a 60 hour a week job because of all the take home work...so I don't know how well I could balance this with the needs of an infant.





I'm sure this will open up a liberal/conservative debate, but I would love to hear from women who were perpexled by this decision themselves...

What is your opinion on mothers who stay home to mothers who work outside the home?
If the choice is yours, in other words you don't have to work to support the family, then why not wait until you have the baby and decide then. I have known a few women who talked with their husbands, employers and friends and made the decision of when to go back to work and their hours (part-time or full-time), but then after the baby comes, their priorities are different and they completely change their previous decisions. Some women love to stay home with their baby and others need to have time away with other adults. Neither is right or wrong---it depends on the person. My sister-in-law was a very independent business woman who had decided to go back to work part-time after the baby was three months and slowly increase her hours to full time within a year. After she had the baby, she couldn't even think of leaving her and decided to quit her job until she was ready to go back to work. That was 16 years ago (and three more children later) and a stay-at-home mom. It's very hard as a first-time mom to know how you're going to feel and what's best for your family. I would suggest to make tenative plans, letting your employer and husband know that it could all change. I would suggest that trying to hold down a 60 hour a week job and an infant would be quite difficult. Neither your baby or your job would get the attention it needs and you'd feel guilty for both. Get lots of help, hired or volunteer, for the first few months no matter what. Also, my mother-in-law hired a cleaning service for me for the first three months and I'll always love her for doing that for my family. Try not to stress about making the right decision now. You'll do what's right for your family when the time comes. Good Luck!
Reply:This is simple...Take it day by day, and do what you feel is right. Never let anyone convince you that you would be a bad mother for working. If you really want it, you can make it work.
Reply:This is something in the end only you can decide. Some people chose to be a stay at home mother, while others have no choice but to work due to needing the income. If your husbands job can cover all expenses of the home, and you can afford to stay at home, then thats great. It might be something you want to do. For me, my husbands job covers all household expenses and bills, so i am able to stay home. I chose to stay home until my twins reached 2 years old, but then when i was ready and felt ok to leave them with daycare, i became pregnant, so again i will be staying home until this child reaches 2 years old. Thats just a personal choice though. For me it is because the child grows so much and changes so much and does so much the first 2 years i didn't want a miss a single moment!! I was so glad i was able to be there for every first, first steps, words ect....and so i wouldn't have changed a thing. But being a working parent isn't bad either. If you want to get out of the house, maybe consider subing, you mentioned you are a teacher. Then as a sub, you can say no if you get called to a job, maybe baby is sick or something, and if you want a little extra money, that might be a really great flexible option for you. Whatever you decide i don't think there is a right or wrong to your question. Good luck!!
Reply:Your question is a good one. At the time we were discussing how to finance our new family, my husband %26amp; I sat down and did the math. The first thing we did was to calculate how much it would cost for me to work: child care, taxes, blah blah blah. The answer was: ALOT! At the end of the day, the only thing I would be financing was my own job. Although I had the better paying job, it was a long work week and full of stress (not something I wanted to do on top of being a mom). In addition, because of the industry, my prospects of climbing the "corporate ladder" were next to none, whereas his job paid lower but had much better possibilities for career enhancement, including a company subsidised MBA program. By this time the answer was clear but I was afraid of not pulling my own weight and being totally dependent on my husband. That made for many a heart to heart with him. But I came to realize that I have a hugely important job and though I sure wish I was getting paid for it, there is nothing I would rather do. Sorry this is so long - good luck to you!
Reply:This is a really complicated question. With my first baby, I went back to work part-time after three months, not because I had to but becuase I wanted to. I only worked nights and weekends, and my baby was home with my husband, and occassionally I'd fill in for someone during the day, and then he went to my mother-in-law's. After my second baby was born, I went back right away with the same hours. As my kids got older, I had to decide what was more important, working or taking care of my family. I was finding it just too difficult to juggle both and do anything well.





In an ideal world, I don't think both parents should work. I definately understand the pressures of today's society and why many women do work and feel they have to work. The ones I get upset with are when you have both parents in big jobs making big money and they dump their kids in daycare. I do think that society has suffered because of all the working mothers. They're just too exhausted to teach their children to behave decently.





I would suggest maybe working part-time in retail or something like that where you can work hours when your husband can be home with the baby. It gives you time to yourself, and it's great for the father and the kids to spend some time together. My son and husband used to call it "Boys Day," when I would go to work, and they would spend the day together.





Hope that helps.
Reply:As a working mother, who wishes she could be a SAHM, I would say. Take a look at your finances, look at how that would change with diapers, babyfood and formula (incase you end up not breastfeeding). Review it with one income and then with both. If your finances work with just one income, I'd say stay home.





I sure wish I could.
Reply:In my opinion an infant should not be dropped off at a day care at six weeks old for someone else to raise.There needs to be one parent who is full time whether it be mom or dad but when the child is that small i think mom should be there full time.Well you will have women who will say we can't pay the bills if i don't work,most of the time thats because people in america try to live beyond their means and aqquire more debt than they even make in one year.If you don't try and live beyond your means I think everyone could stay home with their children at least for the first couple of years.Now I am not saying that this is for everyone just saying some people would rather have a 30,000 dollar suv and a 250,000 dollar house and thousands in credit card debt than be with their kids.Thats selfish to me and the kid don't care about that stuff they care about time spent with them.Its up to every family to decide whats more important money and material things or memories with their child.
Reply:If you can financially stay home with your child- do it. I stay home and I feel very fortunate to be able do to so. My husband doesn't make tons of money, but we make it work. I know not everyone can do, but if you can, why not? I think kids with stay at home Moms have a stronger bond with Mom, behave better and have more confidence in themselves. But again, this is just my opinion. You have to work at getting them social, but there are so many play groups or reading groups and wonderful nursery schools. I wouldn't trade my life for the world. Good luck and congrats!
Reply:I think u should stay home the first 3 years which are vital for an infant.


U could put the child in daycare after that to get the child used to being around other kids and get ready for kindegarden.


They grow so fast, u should stay home for the first 3 yrs.
Reply:I am a FT mommy and I don't want to judge mothers who work, I only want to tell you WHY I stay home with my kids. I was a daycare provider back when I only had one child instead of three :) Once, I made a list of silly things I did for the kids that their parents missed out on during the course of just one week. On it were:


Kissed "boo boo's"


Tied shoes


Hugged by child


Tickled child


Times child asked "Where's mommy?"


I babysat for two children and combined they had 3 (which I thought was low) kissed "boo boos", I tied their shoes 15 times, I got 28 hugs, I tickled them 16 times, and they asked "Where's mommy?" (or some form of the question) 44 times! It's a personal decision between you and your husband. I don't fault mothers who leave their kids with a daycare provider, but I don't want to be one...especially FT. I know those were "little" things I added up that week, but to me and to those children, they're BIG things. A grown-up might say that "it's only 5 years or so until they're in school", but that's a lot of hugs you could have gotten, boo boo's you could've kissed..etc. To me, I'm just taking some time off from work to invest in my children's memories :)
Reply:I'm a stay-at-home-mom and do not frown upon others who are having to work to support their families. Everyone has to do what is best for their families. Therefore, there is no correct or incorrect answer...you do what you have to do!!
Reply:Having a baby is a full time job all by it's self. Your going to have a baby knowing you work full time, and put your child in a day care? I've been with my son since the day he was born, now 3 yrs and he never gets sick like those that attend a day care. I'll go to work when he starts school but i think it's selfish to plan to have a child just to pay someone else to keep it.


If your husband makes good money there's really no reason you have to continue to work full time. Having a child is a huge responsibility if you don't want to give up your job you should probably hold off on having a baby.
Reply:Well, even though I am a man, I %26amp; my wife did have the same dilema before the birth of our baby. Finally it was decide that she does a part time ( 5 Hrs a day/ 5 days a week ) job. Her working was crucial as she has studied to Masters level , she would take a break once the child is 2 yrs old for 2-3 yrs %26amp; then restart her career. A child's emotional growth %26amp; starting years are very critical to all parents %26amp; a compromise has to be made when all other things are equa( I mean, if only man's income is satisfactory)
Reply:okay first of all im not a mother but i do have an opinion regarding this things. first thing first, since ur hubby is the breadwinner and u can still live the happy life without working so i suggest u take full responsiblity for ur baby. coz ur baby is going to be what u taught in the past. if u hand over the responsibility to the mother-in-law or ur mother or maybe the babysitter, the baby wouldnt turn into a person you wanted him/her to be. and it's important to strengthen the bond between you and your baby. if ur feeling stressed out (about not working anymore, not meeting ur friends, spending all the day alone with ur baby) u can work @ home or maybe decrease ur work hour at the school. 30 hour in a week maybe? but if ur not stressed out, it would be better if u take good care full responsibility of the baby ur self!! Good luck and wish u all the best :)
Reply:Congrats. I am a full time working mom. My baby is 3 months and I am the "bread winner" right now. Hubby stays home with the baby. I say do whatever you think you can handle. If you have a mother or a mother in law that will help babysit the baby after your maternity leave than I say go back part time till the baby is old enough for day care. You will probably want to get out of the house a little bit and work after being home for 3 months alone. I know I did. On the other hand, I think its great if a mom can afford to stay home full time with there child. It may be hard to ever go back to work after you are home for so long tho. I say take the maternity leave see how you are feeling and then decide after that. there is no wrong way. Whatever you choose you will be doing the right thing for the family. Best luck!
Reply:Some people do not have the option to say home, they have to work. If you can afford too-do it. You can always go back to work when thechild is older. I know tons of women who have done that. I have to work, Iam a single mom. My daughter had a fantastic babysitter and great preschool. Some people argue this back and forth, but personally my daughter was fine and it just made us closer.


Good luck with your choice
Reply:I have a now 11 year old and almost 9 year old. I was a full time stay at home Mom until my son was 2. Then worked 2 evenings and every Saturday while my hubby had them. I went back for some extra money and just needed to be around more adults. Now that both kids are in school, I am the lunch lady. I cherish all that I got to do w/ my kids by being home. Make the choice that is best for your family. Working full time and raising kids at the same time is NOT for me. Staying home full time is not for some people. I preferred working very part time. Money, material things....even a career can wait. Kids are once in a lifetime...
Reply:Try planning to have the baby around winter break and take the rest of the year and the summer off and see how it goes. I have been home for almost nine years and would not have it any other way. You need to do what you feel is right.
Reply:It all boils down to your capacity. If you think you can juggle work and bring up a baby, then more power to you and to the millions who manage family and work expertly.





At any point if you feel stressed or feel its not worth it , take up the other option . Career oriented women feel trapped or cheated with domesticity , so its basically different strokes for different folks. Examine your priorities in life and act accordingly - you'll seldom go wrong.
Reply:I'm in the same situation myself.





My husband is also the breadwinner, but not by much. I'm an insurance agent and that means with different spurts in the year, I could make more than him. But like right now, things are super slow. But enough about me.....





I think you should sit down and calculate the expenses first. It may take hours, even days, but you should sit down and really draw up an accurate budget that you know you could stick to - using all 3 scenarios - FT mommy, work PT, %26amp; work FT.





All 3 come with different circumstances and different advantages. Like a FT mommy. You - not someone else - gets to raise your child the way you want. You spend trememdous amounts of time together, making a strong bond. Working PT - you get to still spend a lot of quality time with your child, and you get the benefits of working as well. This way you also get some alone time to yourself. Working FT - not much time for you and the baby, but lots of work and money.





It really boils down to what you want to do as a mother.





Personally, I'm doing the PT work from home. I think you would benefit if you looked into doing work from home such as an online tutor with Sylvan or some other well known source. You do have your masters in teaching. You would probably be able to find a very nice paying, yet non-demanding job like that.





So, it's all up to you! (and hubby of course).





I hope this helped and I wish you the best with having a baby and your work dilema!!!
Reply:My wife and i decided that we would have her stay home with the kids instead of working a fulltime job before we had our first kid. This is working out pretty well for us, although she does get bored from time to time. There is only so many times she can play Candy Land.





We did have to make some sacrafices in order for her to do this, less expensive cars, less expensive vacations, etc. But we felt that it was important for one of us to stay home and raise the kids, instead of putting them in daycare. We also knew that if we both worked that we (not you or anyone else) would be very tired at night and be less likely to provide the necessary interaction that our kids deserved.





In the end, it is up to you and your spose on what works best, can you handle the majority of your daytime activities be involved with a baby or do you need the stimulation you receive at work. This is about the whole picture not just what is best for you, your baby, or your marriage.
Reply:i stayed home with my daughter when she was born till two (at that time i got a job in a daycare for a year so i could still be with her).......my feeling is...can you afford and want to stay home are the questions to ask.....i could so i did cause i wanted to be home with her when she was very young.....but i understand that not all mom's can do this and i was lucky.....it was actually hard for me to go to work cause i missed her so much......but i like working so that i can get her what she needs and buy her some things that she wants.......there's good and bad about both......it will be your decision in the end.....but if you can afford to i would suggest that you do...only because you said that you are unsure if you could handle work too......don't feel bad for not working its a good thing and don't listen to people....i got LOTS of mean comments because i stayed home with my daughter